A Look at Heroic Fantasy Quarterly Issue 14

Heroic Fantasy Quarterly #14

It’s been a while since I looked at an issue of Heroic Fantasy Quarterly (here and here), so we need to rectify that.

The current issue went live last month.  I’m a little behind on my magazine reading, but I’m catching up.  The problem is that there’s so much quality short fiction being published online.

HFQ is no exception. Here’s what the current issue holds.

Days End at the Three Eels” by Al Onia is a tavern story of a different sort.   A tired mercenary spends a night carousing and ends up at the Three Eels, where he meets a slave girl who’d been left for dead in the desert after having been injured, now working as a serving wench, and an old wizard.  Before he leaves he will have impacted their lives in a way neither expect.  There was a nice twist at the end I should have seen coming.  All the clues were there.

S. Boyd Taylor’s “A Song for the New King” was more of a vignette than a story, but it’s a nice meditation on the creative process.

We see the return of Khraen, the undead general, in Michael R. Fletcher’s “Death and Dignity“.  Khraen first appeared in Issue 10’s “Death at the Pass“, where we saw his resurrection by the hand of the necromancer Leben.  In this story, Khraen is pursued by a wizard and his slave sorcerer across the frozen north.  Khraen is very much cut from the mold of the brooding antihero.  There’s a great deal of meditation on freedom and choices in between the combat in both of these tales.  I’m looking forward to the next installment.

Two poems round out this issue.  First “The Swordswoman” by Jessica Amanda Salmonson, a bleak poem in which no good deed, if not unpunished, at least goes unacknowledged.  The second poem is a more hopeful selection, Barry King’s “Shadakar“.  I thought these poems were better than average.

On the whole, a solid issue.  Heroic Fantasy Quarterly continues to publish solid, adventure oriented fiction.  Many of the authors are new comers, and I have a feeling in a few more years, if these authors continue to write and make names for themselves, HFQ will become known as the place to find the new up and comers in the fields of sword and sorcery and heroic fantasy.  If you’ve not read this publication, all of the issues are online for free, so check them out. 

A Review of The Black God’s War by Moses Siregar III

The Black God’s War
Moses Siregar III
Paper $14.95
electronic: various prices, depending on where purchased
Kindle Nook Smashwords ibooks

I’d bought this novel a while back after discovering it on Ty Johnston’s 2011 blog tour, but I hadn’t had a chance to read it when I got an email from the author asking if I would be interested in reviewing it.  I’d like to thank Moses Siregar III for sending me a revised edition of the novel, as well as an apology since I told him this review would be done last month.  (Also thanks to Ty Johnston for his blog tour.  I discovered some new writers I’m looking forward to reading.)

Anyway, this was a compelling novel with a strong nonwestern feel to it.  I found that rather refreshing.

Here’s the basic set-up (and all you’re going to get from me is the set-up since there are some plot twists I don’t want to spoil):

The kingdom of Rezzia is in the process of invading Pawelon.  It’s been a decade long process.  The king of Rezzia has two children, Lucia (a daughter) and Caio (a son), who is ten years younger than his sister.  From birth Caio has been recognized as a Haizzem, which means he’s been selected by the gods to be the military and spiritual leader of the kingdom.  Most of the novel takes place when Caio is nearly 20 and has fully taken up the mantle of Haizzem.  He and his protector Ilario have gone to the front to lead the forces of Rezzia  to victory.  Ilario and Lucia are in love, although at this point neither has expressed feelings openly.  When Caio was born, Lucia saw Danato, the god of the dead kill her mother.  For years, he’s been her companion, unseen and unheard by everyone else, promising her there’s a reason for all things.

Meanwhile, Rao is the youngest and only surviving son of the Rajah of Pawelon.  He and his friend Aayu are sages.  Although they’ve been forbidden to come to the front, they leave for it, believing they have discovered new spiritual weapons that will help them win the war and break the deadlock.  Rao is the lover Narayani, Aayu’s cousin and the daughter of his father’s top general.

With all the family relationships, I’m sure you can see the great potential for tragedy.  All I’ll say is that not everyone will survive to the end.  That and there’s a reason for everything happening.

And speaking of Narayani, I couldn’t stand her through most of the book.  She came across to me as spoiled, selfish, and bratty, someone who was concerned with what she wanted.  Someone who caused trouble because she only thought of herself.  I don’t care to be around those types of people, and I didn’t care for her.

While it may not seem like it on the surface, the previous paragraph was high praise for Mr. Siregar.  Mediocre writers create blah characters.  Superior writers create characters who produce strong reactions in readers, whether those reactions are love, hate, or a mixture of both.  That he was able to create such a character, and such a reaction in this reader, speaks highly of his skill.  And by the time the book was over, I very much cared what happened to Narayani.

The other thing I liked was how the gods aided, meddled, or tormented, depending on your point of view.  This novel was  written in part as an homage to The Iliad.  Any time the gods starting showing up, things got interesting. 

The combat scenes were well choreographed.  They were also unpredictable.  The interactions between the characters were complex, just like the characters themselves.    This was a compelling novel that was hard to put down.  It kept me up late more than one night.

This is one you’ll want to check out.  I have to say I’m not sure what the price is on the electronic edition.  I found three different prices when I was putting in the links for the different electronic editions.  Even at the highest price, $4.99, this is a good buy.

Also, I thought it was a nice touch that the author included excerpts from four fantasy novels by authors I’d not heard of.  The excerpts were intriguing enough that I’ll be buying those books as well.  This approach is a good was to discover new writers as well as a great way for writers to help each other promote their books.

This is the first volume of Splendor and Ruin.  I’m not sure where Siregar is going to go with the next volume since this was pretty much a stand-alone novel.  Not that it matters.  I intend to follow.

In Which I Encounter Rogue Angel

Rogue Angel:  Magic Lantern
Alex Archer
Gold Eagle
mass market paper back $6.99
ebook $4.61 Kindle $5.39 Nook

I’d seen the Rogue Angel series around for about a year or two but until the other day, I’d never read one.  A couple of months ago, the author of this one sent me a review copy.  It was on the list to review before the end of the year, but when I ended up flying to Houston for a couple of days earlier this week, I decided to move it up.  This required me to rearrange the order in which a few books would be reviewed, but I was okay with that.  This way I could ignore shrill flight attendants who demand that “anything with an ‘off’ switch must be turned off, not put in airplane mode, turned off” and simply read.  If I’d had only my ereader, we’d gotten stuck on the tarmac, and I wouldn’t have had anything to read at all.

But I digress. 

Except for one thing, which I’ll discuss below, I enjoyed the book. 

The set up for the series is fairly simple.  It concerns one Annja Creed, who’s part Indiana Jones, part Lara Croft, part Kolchak the Night Stalker, and part Duncan MacCleod (of the Clan MacCleod).  She’s an archaeologist who is cohost of a tabloid TV show called Chasing History’s Monsters

She also has the sword of Joan of Arc.  This is a magical sword which she can literally pull out of thin air whenever she needs it.  I want one of these!  (That’s not a hint for those of you wondering what to get me for Christmas, but if  you’re so inclined….  I’m just sayin’.)

In this particular story, Annja gets caught up in a hunt for a Chinese lantern (that looks nothing like the one shown on the cover) which is believed to be the key to a great treasure, cursed, or both.  There are two (count ’em, two) crime lords willing to kill to possess the lantern.

The lantern was brought to France from Shanghai in the early 1790s a stage magician.  During a show in the catacombs below Paris, the magician was using the lantern to project an image of the afterlife on the wall when a Chinese man walked out of the image and fatally stabbed the magician.  This led to the lantern gaining a reputation for being haunted or cursed.

Before it’s over, Annja and her friends and companions will travel the globe searching for clues, be involved in a number of shootouts, take part in a car chase involving rocket launchers on a major Paris highway, and fight for their lives in the Paris catacombs.

There was some character development that I considered fairly deep for this type of series book.  I found Annja an engaging character, even if she has an aversion to lopping off people’s heads with her sword.  Now where’s the fun in that, I ask.

The book was fast-paced fun, and I loved almost every minute of it.  The only time I was thrown out of the story were a couple of bits involving a photograph of the magician taken while he worked as a banker in Shanghai.  This photo was taken about 1790.  The problem was that photography wasn’t invented for well over a quarter century later.

Overall, I enjoyed this one enough that I would read others in the series.  In fact, I picked up another volume when I was in Houston while at the hafway point in this book.

Alex Archer is, of course, a house name.  From what I’ve been able to determine, there are at least four different authors who write these books.  (The one I picked up was by the same author.)  I know the identity of the author of Magic Lantern.  While I don’t think it’s any great secret, I’ve not been given explicit permission to reveal it, so I won’t.  If I get permission from the author, I’ll post that information in the comments.  I do want to thank the gentleman for sending me the review copy.

As I said, I enjoyed this one.  It was good pulpy fun, and I’m looking forward to reading more in this series.

Magic Lantern is a Featured Book at Adventures Fantastic Books.

Outcasts by Nick Wisseman

Outcasts
Nick Wisseman
145 p. $7.99 paper
Amazon  B&N
$4.99 electronic
Kindle Nook Smashwords

Before I read Outcasts, I wasn’t familiar with the name Nick Wisseman.  Nor was I familiar with venues where these stories first appeared, places such as Bewildering Stories.  It’s a name I’m going to remember, though.  And I’m going to check Bewildeirng Stories out.  If everything they publish is this good, I’m going put that venue on my regular reading list.

When Mr. Wisseman emailed me and asked if I would be interested in reviewing his book, I said yes.  I’ve written before that taking a chance on an unknown author is a gamble.  Sometimes it’s not a gamble that pays off (and you usually won’t see the results of those gambles written about here).  Other times, you hit the jackpot.  Books like this one are why I review self-published authors I’ve never heard of before.

Here’s what you get in this collection:

“Ghost Writer” is a story of betrayal.  It’s a plea by a murdered author to help avenge his murder.

“Branded Faith” tells of a messiah who rejects being a savior yet can’t escape the power he’s been given to do both good and evil.

In “Smile”, a teenaged girl discovers that she’s not as invisible as she thought she was when a hidden observer develops the photo he took of her and she begins to vanish.

“Permanence” ventures into Lord of the Flies territory a bit when a group of young soldiers find themselves stranded on a desert island during wartime.

A man discovers he can go back in time and change the history of his love life, but only during sex in “Time Trick”.

“Love and World Eaters” is about a young woman working in the Chicago Field Museum who develops the ability to see past events associated with the artifacts she touches.  This was one of my favorites

“Splintered” is what happens when different realities begin to overlap.

“Charted Waters” deals with what happens when the real world takes on the characteristics of maps.

A girl’s diorama comes to life, showing her the family secrets, in “Low-Limb Climb”, another favorite.

“Revisions” involves a group of time travelers who keep the timeline stable by making sure massacres and bloodbaths happen.

The thing I found most refreshing about these stories is the Wisseman avoids many obvious cliches.  I rarely knew where he was going.  Even when the idea at the core of the story wasn’t earth-shaking, the execution more than made up for it.  This was one of the most original collections I’ve read in quite a while.  Wisseman is one of those writers who make it look easy, showing a mastery of word, phrase, and pacing I would expect from a mature author rather than someone in the beginning stages of his career.

I highly recommend this one. 

Thanks are due to Nick Wisseman for providing a copy of Outcasts.

In Defense of Marvin Kaye: A Review of Weird Tales # 360

Weird Tales # 360
print $7.95, various ebook formats $2.99 available here
edited by Marvin Kaye

There was a great deal of bitchin’ and moanin’ wailing and gnashing of teeth last year when it was announced that Marvin Kaye was buying Weird Tales and replacing editor Ann Vandermeer with himself.  The way some people carried on, you would have thought Sauron had managed to get his claws on the One Ring. 

When Kaye announced, and later retracted, his plans to publish an excerpt of the science fiction novel Save the Pearls, a book many considered to be racist, I expected to see reports of mobs marching on Kaye’s location with torches and pitchforks.  Haivng read a number of Kaye’s anthologies for the SFBC, and portions of others, I have great respect for him as an editor, but I have to say this was not one of his better choices.  Nor was his essay defending that choice well conceived.  I didn’t bother to give this particular novel much attention; the descriptions of it, even if they were only half accurate, made it clear to me the novel was not a good thing to serialize in the magazine.

Outrage was so great that Mary Robinette Kowal subsidized Shimmer magazine so that publication would be able to pay pro rates.  Editor-in-Chief Beth Wodzinski stated on the magazine’s blog that she wanted to continue in the vein Ann Vandermeer.

Why am I going into this bit of recent history?  Because the situation as I see it is this:  Expectations on Kaye to succeed are extremely high, so high that it can be argued he’ll never be able to meet those expectations.  Furthermore, there are those who are waiting with sharpened knives for him to stumble, or if you prefer, stumble again after the Save the Pearls debacle. 

Well, now the first issue edited by Kaye is out, and it has the theme of The Elder Gods.  Kaye is taking the magazine back to its roots.  This was part of what caused the controversy when he replaced Vandermeer as edtior.  Many saw this as a step backwards.  It’s become fashionable in some circles to bash Lovecraft for a variety of reasons, and a number of those reasons showed up in the vitriol that followed the announcement.

So, let’s look at the stories, and then I’ll attempt to answer the question of whether or not Kaye succeeding in getting his incarnation of The Unique Magazine off the ground. 

“The Eyrie” is the first item past the ToC.  In his introductory essay Kaye assures readers he is open to all types of genre fiction, from the type that made the magazine’s reputation to new and innovative types of storytelling.  He lists a number of established authors who have expressed interest in appearing in the magazine, and if he gets stories from all of them, he will succeed in taking the publication to new heights.

There follows some reviews of Lovecraft themed anthologies and a poem by Jill Bauman.

After that, comes Brian Lumley‘s novella “The Long Last Night”.  This was a slow building, disturbing story.  While the general ending was pretty obvious to me, the details were original and disturbing.  Next, another poem, “In Shadowy Innsmouth” by Darrell Schweitzer.  We return to fiction with “Momma Durt” from Michael Shea, about the goings-on at an allegedly abandoned mine shaft that is being used to illegally dump toxic waste.  Michael Reyes introduces us to the drug induced “Darkness at Table Rock Road”, and Darrell Schwietzer returns with a fiction piece, “The Runners Beyond the Wall”, in which a young man finds himself with a very deadly guardian after being orphaned.  “The Country of Fear” by Russell Brickey is another poem.  Matthew Jackson’s “Drain” is an effective lesson in why you should clean your drain frequently, teaching us that no good deed goes unpunished.  “The Thing in the Cellar” by William Blake-Smith is a tongue-in-cheek tale about a teenager who’s read a little too much Lovecraft.  It’s a delightful change from the dark and grim tales preceding it and easily my favorite in the issue.

The Weird Tales website lists “Found in a Bus Shelter at 3:00 a.m., Under a Mostly Empty Sky” by Stephen Garcia.  I’m not sure if this is an error or not.  This piece isn’t included in the electronic version of the magazine, at least not the epub format.

After this are four unthemed stories:  “To be a Star” by Parke Godwin, “The Empty City” by Jessica Amanda Salmanson, “The Abbey at the Edge of the Earth” by Collin B. Greenwood, and “Alien Abduction” by M. E. Brine.  Except for the Greenwood piece, I found all of these to be slight, hackneyed even, and not very interesting.  Certainly not up to the quality of the Lovecraft inspired selections.

After this was another Lovecraft piece, an essay by Kenneth Hite entitled “Lost in Lovecraft”.

Finally, there is a Ray Bradbury tribute with its own cover.  To an extent, I wish this had been saved for the next issue, simply because I wanted more and the tribute was added just before the magazine went to press.  While not one of the authors who first comes to mind when one thinks of WT, Bradbury had some important work appear here over the years.  The tribute is fitting, and the second cover is a nice touch.  I just wish it had been included in the electronic edition.

The Bradbury pieces are the original version of “The Exiles” (there’s a Lovecraft connection), Bradbury’s ending of the film version of Rosemary’s Baby, a poem, a remembrance by Marvin Kaye, and a review of Shadow Show:  Stories in Celebration of Ray Bradbury edited by James Aquilone.

So how does the first issue of WT Kaye has edited hold up?  While the unthemed stories are mostly disappointing, overall this is a good issue.  The Elder Gods section has some strong work, including what will probably come to be regarded as a major novella by Brian Lumley.  There’s quite a bit of variety and diversity in these stories.  And like I said, it was good to have a Bradbury tribute.

I think Kaye has a good format for success.  Each issue will contain themed and unthemed stories.  Next issue’s theme will be fairy tales.  If he can find some stronger stories for the unthemed section, and I have no doubt he can, then this incarnation of Weird Tales will be a success.  It won’t please some, even most, of its detractors, but that’s to be expected.  The direction Kaye is taking is too different from Ann Vandermeer’s. 

I only read one or two issues of Vandermeer’s WT, and what I read didn’t really knock my socks off.  In fact, none of the stories have stuck with me.  I recall not caring much for what I did read, so I for one welcome the changes Marvin Kaye has brought to the magazine.   While I’m sorry her departure from the magazine was painful to her, as well has her many fans and friends, I’m glad Kaye is keeping a strong focus on the magazine’s past while being open to new voices. 

I’m sure there will be plenty of people who will disagree with my assessment of this issue, and Kaye’s editorship in general, who will lament that he isn’t pursuing the same direction Vandermeer did.  That’s fine.  As I mentioned at the top of this post, Shimmer is going to attempt to fill that niche.  I think that’s a good thing, and I wish Beth Wodzinski all success.  I intend to take a look at that publication at some point.  In the meantime, I’m looking forward to the next issue of Weird Tales

Easie Damasco Pulls Off Another Great Adventure

Crown Thief
David Tallerman webpage  blog
Angry Robot Books
UK Print
Format: Medium Paperback
R.R.P.: £8.99
US/CAN Print
Format: Regular Paperback
R.R.P.: US$7.99 CAN$8.99
Ebook
Format: Epub & Mobi
R.R.P.: £5.49 / US$6.99

 I loved David Tallerman’s debut novel, Giant Thief, earlier this year (reviewed here).  With the next installment in the series, Tallerman proves he’s more than a flash in the pan.  Crown Thief is a fast moving, exciting adventure.

Here’s the basic set-up:

Easie Damasco is returning to the city of Altapasaeda after the events of the previous book.  In addition to a number of guardsmen, he’s accompanied by Saltllick the giant, Marina Estrada, and Guard Captain Alvantes.  It turns out that not all is well in Altapasaeda.  The city has been taken over by crooks, some of whom may be familiar to you if you read the first book.  Easie manages to infiltrate the city, but not without stirring things up.

Pursued by a deadly assassin, Easie and Alvantes end up traveling north to seek aid from the king.  Little do they know that the dangers that await them in the capital far outweigh those they leave behind.

I’ll not spoil any of the plot with further details.

Rather I’ll talk about what sets this series, and this entry in that series, apart from your typical fantasy.

First, the characters, primarily Easie Damasco.  Damasco is a complex man, one who is quite flawed and not entirely reliable as a narrator.  But he’s not afraid of a little introspection.  In this book he begins to develop a conscience.  Several times he does the right thing, even when it’s clearly not in his self-interest to do so.  The changes he goes through are a refreshing break from the typical fantasy hero who either has not self-doubts or is full of them.  He’s not a killer and tries to avoid violence, yet will defend himself if he has to.

Almost as interesting is Guard Captain Alvantes.  He’s a man guided by duty and not one to loosen up.  In other words, he and Easie aren’t exactly cut out to be friends.  Alvantes is about to learn that sometimes there’s a cost to doing your duty that isn’t worth paying. 

Put these two men together, and what results is some of the best character interplay and development you’re likely to see.  They’ve got to learn to trust each other.  Not an easy task.  The fact they have similar goals, often identical goals, but wildly different means of achieving those goals means the story isn’t going to be dull, even when there doesn’t seem to be a great deal of stuff going on.

This is a novel with heart, something we don’t see enough of at times.  I especially liked how the villagers rallied together to keep the giants alive.  The interactions of the minor characters showed people at both their best and worst.  This made the world feel more real and lived-in.

And the ending, well, let’s just say the cliff-hanger was perfect.  If the next book, Prince Thief, were out now, I’d have started reading it immediately.

If you haven’t met Easie Damasco, you should.  You’ll be glad you did. 

Giant Thief and Crown Thief are Featured Books at Adventures Fantastic Books

The Rest of the Year

Happy Halloween.  I’d hoped to post a few more mini-reviews of Cemetery Dance’s 13 Days of Halloween, but you know what they say about the best laid plans.

And speaking of plans, I thought I’d lay out my plans for the rest of the year.  I’m in the middle of David Tallerman’s Crown Thief, having passed the halfway point last night.  After that it will probably be Black God’s War by Moses Siregar III.  I’ve got several Angry Robot eARCs I’d downloaded in the summer before I realized I’d be moving.  I’m going to try to get to them, but not before I’ve read The Dead of Winter by Lee Collins.  I’ve got several anthologies and a Pathfinder novel an agent sent me, plus a handful of other books I’ve agreed to review.  More than enough to keep me busy.  I’ll be traveling for work in a couple of weeks, just a quick trip to Houston and back, so I should be able to get plenty of reading done on the plane and during my layover in Dallas.

That’s on top of the things I’ve bought just because they’re what I want to read, not because someone asked me to.  Or to put it another way, I’m not going to be accepting any new books to review until after the first of next year, with one or two exceptions.  If I’ve promised to review your book, I will.  I won’t guarantee a date the review will go up, but I will get to it as soon as I can.

Also, I’ve decided not to participate in NaNoWriMo this year.  I want to ramp up my own fiction writing, and things are starting to settle into a enough of a routine that I think I can.  I doubt I can hit the 50k mark for NaNoWriMo and still meet some other obligations, but I am trying to get some things finished. 

The deciding factor for not doing NaNoWriMo was a Seekret Project I’ve become involved with.  I’m not at liberty to discuss it yet, but I can say it will involve a number of other people and be fairly high profile.  I’ll post an announcement when I get the green light.  That should be within the next few weeks.

Anyway, that’s how things are shaping up for the rest of the year and probably into next year.

Another Halloween Treat

A Little Halloween Talk
Joe R. Lansdale
Cemetery Dance
ebook, $0.99

Here’s another little treat from Cemetery Dance’s 13 Days of Halloween.  It’s not one you want to share with the kiddies.

This one concerns a tryst in a graveyard that goes horribly wrong with the lady’s man interrupts her with his best friend.

I won’t give any more details away.  If you’ve ever read Lansdale, you know he can write in some of the most compelling voices in modern fiction.  This story is no exception.  The narrator tells his story in a laid back style that you know from the first page isn’t going to end well.  The reader is pulled in by his down home drawl.  Even though I was reading, not listening to an audiobook, I could still hear the guy’s voice as I read.

The plot is something out of EC Comics, something that should come as no surprise if you’ve read Lansdale.  This is a good thing, in case you were wondering.  I’ve read four or five of these Halloween shorts, and this one is easily my favorite so far.  Do yourself a favor and check it out.

A Halloween Treat

Pumpkin
Bill Pronizini
Cemetery Dance
various ebpub editions , $0.99

Cemetery Dance has been publishing Halloween themed short stories on weekdays for the last couple of weeks and will continue to do so until Halloween.  It’s part of a promotion called 13 Days of Halloween. I’ll be taking a look at some of them, randomly selected.

These are all short stories, so I won’t go into too much detail.  In this one, Amanda Sutter and her husband run a pumpkin farm in California.  One day one of the field hands discovers that there’s something wrong with one of the pumpkins…

Pronzini is one of my favorites.  While he’s never to my knowledge written any heroic fantasy, he does occasionally venture from the mystery/crime fields to dip his toes in the waters of dark fantasy and horror.  I wish he would more often.  Although I have to admit that Pronzini is one of those writers whose work I would read regardless of genre.  In my opinion he’s that good.

This story isn’t his most gripping, but it’s still worth a read, especially the last page or two.  Pronzini isn’t one to go for the gross-out.  Instead, he prefers the quiet buildup.  And he’s good with the twist at the end.  This story fits that bill quite well.

It’s short, only about 10 pages long, but worth the price.  If you’re in the mood for a Halloween treat with a little trick at the end, check it out.

Everything Old is Still Old

My head is still reeling from the announcement that Arnold Schwarzenegger is going to revise his role as Conan.  Al Harron has covered this more eloquently than I can, so I’ll defer you to his remarks

Instead, I want to take a slightly different approach and say this:  Really, Hollywood?  Really?  This is the best you can do?  Trot out an actor who is too old for the role, to play a character who was never anywhere near that old in any of the stories Howard wrote.

What you have here, ladies and gentlemen, aliens and Old Ones, is a perfect case of why box office reciets in general are dropping.  Hollywood can’t do anything but recycle itself.  A more appropriate metaphor would probably be breed with itself.  We all know what sort of thing results from that, which is a good description of what Hollywood tends to churn out rather than coming up with something original.

At least take a fresh script (preferably written by someone who will be faithful to more than the “spirit” of Howard’s most famous creation) and keep Jason Mamoa.  He fits the description of Conan much better than the Governator does.

I suppose that’s too much to hope for, as is this being a sick (and scary, very scary) Halloween joke.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to go burn incense to the gods of Development Hell.  Much incense.